A limerick a week #106

A rhyme for the hard of herring… 

One of the first ‘expert’ groups to which I was privy was convened in the mid-1980s to consider the sprat fisheries in the North Sea (I wasn’t one of the experts; just a junior learning the ropes).

I remember listening to a few hours of interesting and animated conversation before being asked to write-up the entire discussion.

Unfortunately, no-one had asked me beforehand to act as the meeting’s rapporteur so I hadn’t taken notes and couldn’t recall the detail. I can’t remember how my subsequent text was received by the real experts, but it was a lesson well and truly learned: always take notes juste au cas où!

That all came back to me this week when I read a friend’ s contribution to our workplace newsletter. She had written about the link between a pair of dried-up clupeids in our collection (a herring, Clupea harengus, and a sprat, Sprattus sprattus) and the notorious Edinburgh murderers and body snatchers Burke and Hare.

An Atlantic herring (top) and a European sprat. Both species were originally described by Linnaeus in 1758 and included as separate species in the genus Clupea, Sprat was later accorded its own genus, Sprattus, in 1846.

The link was the anatomist Robert Knox FRCSE who was asked by the ‘Commissioners of British White Herring Fishery’ (sic) in 1836 to examine small pelagic fish caught in the Firth of Forth and who consequently identified a mixed fishery of herring and sprat. Knox was the self-same anatomist that had previously benefitted from Burke and Hare’s murderous nocturnal forays.

The kind of observational anatomy that Knox used to separate the two species can’t have been too far removed from the methods I was taught (and used) in the mid-1980s (‘meristics and morphology’); methods far removed from the modern-day techniques of DNA sequencing and gene mapping.

Here’s the limerick:

Nowadays we have flash apparatus
To discern what the oceans throw at us,
But the anatomist Knox
Just had fish in a box
One herring and one Sprattus sprattus.

(Hint: pronounce it appa-RAH-tuss and not appa-RAY-tuss or it doesn’t work!)

Postscript: ‘White herring’ are fresh herring as opposed to ‘red herring’ that have been cured by smoking. As red herring are highly scented they can be dragged along the ground to lay a false trail to divert a hunting pack of dogs from its prey; hence the idiom ‘a red herring’ popularised by the writer William Cobett.

In a similar vein, hound trailing that originated in the English Lake District uses a rag soaked in a mix of aniseed and paraffin oil to lay a trail for the racing hounds to follow; nevertheless, I can’t see ‘aniseed trail’ catching on as idiomatically as ‘red herring’.

A limerick a week #105

Dear Diary… 

… went on a 38 mile round-trip cycle ride…

…set off from Newton Stewart to Port William all hale and hearty…

…a bit nippy so wore unpadded winter bib tights…

…didn’t wear proper padded cycling shorts underneath this time…

…tried instead some swanky new padded sports boxers for cyclists…

…big mistake…

…no; massive mistake…

…in trouble before the halfway stop in Port William…

…somehow got there…

…spent 45 minutes drinking tea; struggled to get back on bike…

…barely able to sit over another 18 miles of cracked, broken and pot-holed tarmac…

…quick stop at Wigtown on the return for an ice-cream…

…didn’t know whether to eat it or sit on it…

#ShouldHaveBoughtTwo.

While out on a bike ride one day
On the Machar of old Galloway
The absence of padding
To my rear-end cladding
Left my a**e in complete disarray.

A limerick a week #104

Carry On Fenella

How should you remember a stage actor who mastered roles in Ibsen, Shakespeare, Chekov and Pinter among others, and yet whose life’s work is immortalised as a vamp in a skin-tight dress seeking Harold H. Corbett’s assent to smoke?

With a limerick of course!

It will be obvious to ‘Carry On’ aficionados that I am referring to the death, aged 90, of the classical actor Fenella Fielding who lingers in the memory as Valeria, sister to Kenneth Williams’ Dr Watt in Carry On Screaming.

That role is generally considered to have killed-off her career as a serious actor and, if true, is sad, but she never gave a hint of any bitterness. A survivor of physical abuse as a child, her fortitude and personality saw to that.

A reputed muse to Frederico Fellini, admired by Noel Coward, hater of Norman Wisdom (who had also abused her) and an actor whose Hedda Gabler was, according to The Times, “among the theatrical experiences of a lifetime” (although that could be interpreted in contrasting ways).

What more could be said?

Lots, actually, but I’ll stick to this from the Graun, who interviewed her shortly before her death about the forthcoming release of her autobiography:

Fielding’s older brother Basil Feldman is an ex-Conservative member of the House of Lords (unrelated to the Lord Feldman, the former Tory party chairman). Did she ever consider joining the Conservative party? She looks appalled. “It never occurred to me to touch them with a bargepole.

Good for her! This is what I think…

She was one of the ‘Carry On’ folk
Whose death will be sure to evoke
In any old fella
The sight of Fenella
Reclined, as she asked: “May I smoke?”.

Is this the scene that killed a career? If so, then surely her co-star in the scene would empathise. Corbett, who had also received some acclaim as a serious stage actor, was hideously typecast as ‘arold in the long-running UK TV comedy series Steptoe and Son.

Postscript: ALAW #104 – you know what that means! Two years of ALAW and I have yet to miss a week (famous last words!).

This is just to say…

Nice plums! 

Our plum bush gave us a surfeit of fruit for the first time, so what to do with them?

Zwetschgenkuchen, that’s what, German plum cake. Ours aren’t the recommended plum variety for this recipe, but the pre-cooked cake looks ok…

According to the Graun’s weekly column on ‘How to cook the perfect…, the big question with Zwetschgenkuchen is whether to ‘streusel’ or not.

I streuseled!

And added whipped cream.

Kaiserschmarren with plum sauce next…

Postscript: A couple of years ago a short poem about plums, This Is Just To Say by William Carlos Williams, became a meme:

The poem in its entirety.

A limerick a week #103

TopGran vs the POTUS

A short verse* inspired by the family’s nonogenarian Geordie matriarch who has crossed both the Atlantic and the American continent to holiday in California (with a cautionary note to their President given her penchant for challenging gabshite Americans to a fight).

Howay man, I’m gannin awaw
To the distant American shore,
And I’ll gan proper radgie,
Wi’ that tangerine gadgie. 
Whey aye , man; I’ll give him ‘what for’!

TopGran and her wingmen! (Pic courtesy of the Joneses.)

best read while effecting a Geordie accent.