A limerick a week #245

Cummings and goings…

So, former Tory advisor Dominic Cummings has gone to war with the UK’s Tory Government via his appearance this week before Parliament’s joint meeting of its Health, and Science & Technology Committees. (Personally, I think it’s a bit rich for Cummings to try to come across as the good guy in a nest of vipers, but c’est la vie!)

Anyway, Government Ministers subsequently had their chance to respond to his claims, but, interestingly, the only thing this stooshie between former colleagues has laid bare is, to use an erstwhile phrase, them’s ALL bas**rds!

An eye test chart inspired by Cummings’ trip to Barnard Castle (a place I know well through family links)

As an advisor he ended up branded
A liar and most underhanded,
But Cummings, it seems,
Plots revenge in his dreams.
OMG the ego has landed!

Postscript: anyone who viewed last week’s ALAW solely through the email that is automatically sent to subscribers, may be wondering which Gershwin classic had never been so ill-suited to me.

Sometimes the WordPress notification emails don’t render the posts in their entirety (and often render them badly!) and missing from last week’s notification was an embedded video clip from the film An American in Paris showing Gene Kelly singing and tapping along to I got rhythm

(You can always view the posts as intended at: https://blog.piscibus.com)

A limerick a week #244

Tap is back!

In my youthful, rugby-playing days I lacked the ability to sidestep or jink so I was never picked in the backs, but played as a forward where the game was less finessed and just a bit more ‘agricultural’.

I have since learnt that I bring the same agrarian attributes to my attempts at tap. I’ve missed them, but, as Aberdeen’s Citymoves dance classes recommence after lockdown, never has the Gershwin classic been so ill-suited…

A dancer once thought that he would
Tap just as fast as he could.
Though his footwork was crass
He brought joy to his class
‘Cos he made all the others look good!

A limerick a week #243

Bringing up the rear (again)…

I’m not quite sure where this week’s ALAW comes from. Maybe it’s that I’ve not been away on holiday for a while and the last one, June two years ago, was a holiday in Mallorca that inspired ALAW#142.

Anyway, here’s a corresponding limerick to that one, with the lascivious rôles reversed in aid of ALAW gender balance…

There once was a lass from Mallorca
Saw a bloke whose butt was a corker
When she first made a pass
She felt quite an ass
Which, really, she shouldn’t have ought ter!

Postscript: Yup, I know. It’s the third time I’ve used ought ter as a rhyme; the second time it’s been done in association with shouldn’t have; and this week it’s not even a true rhyme, but, hey, throw me a bone! You try writing 240+ limericks without any repetition and with 100% perfect rhymes🤪

 

A limerick a week #242

Hmmm, nice buns!

I woke up this morning – ALAW publication day – with no limerick in mind. Fortunately (or, perhaps, unfortunately given what it gave rise to) a quick read of today’s Graun elicited the fact that lockdown has seen the number of British naturists ‘soar’.

Apparently…

British nudists’ group reports exponential growth in participation in online events since pandemic restrictions came into force“.

A nude bakery class seems to be popular, Naked kitchen with Pam, no less, but one in which participants’ webcams must be switched on to avoid “lurking perverts” – perish the thought!

Anyway, thus inspired (as an occasional-but-fully-clad baker myself) a quiet, contemplative walk in some woodland avec mon chien resulted in this week’s less than memorable ALAW.

One of the posters I put together a few years ago to publicise my old work team’s coffee club and home-baking extravaganza. Perhaps a revamp into ‘Home Baking for Nudist’ is called for?!

A baker was really quite lewd
When baking some bread in the nude
‘Cos to knock the dough back
He gave it a whack
With a tool that’s exceedingly rude.