Occasional Limericks Only #14

You wait ages…

… for a willy limerick (see previous post) then another one arrives soon after!

My excuse is that although I didn’t see much of the Winter Olympics, I did see the following news article…

Bizarrely, on reading the complete article, you find out that it was the second time it had happened to him – some folk just don’t learn, do they?


Here’s the limerick…

A skier who was ever so Nordic,
Loved the cold, in fact he adored it.
But his willy then froze
Which was not what he chose
‘Cos he then ended up with a sore dick!

Occasional Limericks Only #13

A hard sell…

One of you lovely readers (yes, there is more than one) challenged me to come up with a more traditional ‘double entendre’ limerick, so here are some non-biographical lines inspired by the multitude of adverts that populate the minor TV channels and their apparent preoccupation with, er, dysfunctional males:

A lothario felt nothing but strife
When his pecker lost interest in life
But the cure that he chose
Was a Viagra dose
Which must have been hard on his wife!

I’ll get my coat…

Occasional Limericks Only #12

I’ll have to hurry you…

So, Bamber Gascoigne has died at the grand old age of 87. I remember him as the oddly-named question master of University Challenge who presided over the TV show throughout my childhood and youth, so it has come as a bit of a surprise that his first name was the altogether more prosaic Arthur!

He was the originator of a number of quiz-orientated catchphrases such as Fingers on buzzers, please and No conferring as well as a couple of others on show in this post. Moreover, as has been said elsewhere, you really believed that he could answer all the questions himself – unlike Jeremy Paxman, his successor, who carries what appears to be a mock intellectual air about him.

Bamber Gascoigne (centre) along with my alma mater’s University Challenge winning team of 1983. I’d graduated a year before and can’t say that I knew any of the team well, if at all. Peter Burt (seated right) studied zoology like me and was clearly more learned, but then again, he didn’t represent Scottish Universities at rugby (haha, see postscript here: https://blog.piscibus.com/a-limerick-a-week-131)

… and this is the limerick

Bamber was one of those men
Whose name, every now and again,
Brought a smile to your face,
But has now left this place
‘Cos he’s run out of starters for ten

Occasional Limericks Only #11

Inside every old person…

…is a young person wondering what happened – Terry Pratchett.

Here are some lines inspired by (i) an Instagram post that I recently saw and (ii) a one hour metcon circuit session today, followed by a 45 minute spin class followed by a 30 minute jog…

My mind thinks I’m still twenty five
But my body is sure that I’ve
Got a mind that’s insane
Cos it fills me with pain
When I try to engage overdrive!

The aforementioned Instagram post was more explicit:

My mind thinks I’m still twenty five. My body thinks my mind’s a f*****g idiot!