A limerick for National Limerick Day inspired by yesterday’s dog walk with Callie through Tollohill Woods (NB the video may not play in the subscriber notification; however, it should be viewable on the original blog post)…
A collie decided to frolic, To run and to jump and to rollick. The dappled sunlight Made her zoomies ignite Amidst scenery oh-so bucolic!
… and “yes”, pedants, I know that woodlands are sylvan and not bucolic, but the views from the western margins of Tollohill Wood are truly bucolic, as in the pic, below:
I have to hand it to the UK Government’s ‘honourable member’ for Tiverton and Horneyiton for creating a parliamentary first when caught perusing pornography during a parliamentary debate.
Neil Parish MP, for it was he, explained that, originally, he was looking at tractors on his smartphone, but inadvertently opened a porn site.
Such an excuse seems a bit ‘iffy’ to say the least, but he then acknowledged that a subsequent perusal of wanton lewdness was intentional, before resigning his seat in the House.
If such an event is, indeed, a ‘first’ for the House of Commons, it is neverthless underpinned by a more disquieting reality. As reported by the BBC, “56 MPs are under investigation for sexual misconduct, and that includes three of his [Boris Johnson’s] Cabinet ministers”. Fifty six!
Despite that, the Government’s response to the Parish news was inexcusably lame. John Crace, the Graun’s parliamentary sketch writer, put it rather well:
So it was Ben Wallace’s bad luck that he was the minister given the short straw of explaining all this on the morning media round. The defence secretary did not cover himself in glory. A simple “This is unacceptable,” and “All women should be treated with respect,” would have done. Instead he chose to play the “long hours, hard-working, late bars” card. As if that was somehow an excuse and any man who worked late and then went to the pub couldn’t help but revert to a naturally sexist self. Clearly some MPs must congratulate themselves for getting through the day without sexually harassing anyone.
Here’s the limerick:
An MP it seems tried to peer At a rather attractive John Deere – An American tractor – But was shocked by an actor In tumescent flagrente, t’would appear
One of you lovely readers (yes, there is more than one) challenged me to come up with a more traditional ‘double entendre’ limerick, so here are some non-biographical lines inspired by the multitude of adverts that populate the minor TV channels and their apparent preoccupation with, er, dysfunctional males:
A lothario felt nothing but strife When his pecker lost interest in life But the cure that he chose Was a Viagra dose Which must have been hard on his wife!
So, Bamber Gascoigne has died at the grand old age of 87. I remember him as the oddly-named question master of University Challenge who presided over the TV show throughout my childhood and youth, so it has come as a bit of a surprise that his first name was the altogether more prosaic Arthur!
He was the originator of a number of quiz-orientated catchphrases such as Fingers on buzzers, please and No conferring as well as a couple of others on show in this post. Moreover, as has been said elsewhere, you really believed that he could answer all the questions himself – unlike Jeremy Paxman, his successor, who carries what appears to be a mock intellectual air about him.
… and this is the limerick
Bamber was one of those men Whose name, every now and again, Brought a smile to your face, But has now left this place ‘Cos he’s run out of starters for ten