Floods, fires and feculence…
I have to thank the designers of Edinburgh’s new St James Quarter for inspiring this week’s ALAW.
Having just opened a month ago, heavy rain has already caused part of its ‘Galleria’ to be cordoned off due to rain flooding its balconies and dripping onto the floor below, and a day or two later it had to be completely evacuated due to a false fire alarm.
Such teething troubles may be expected in a new shopping and hotel complex, but they’re not the ALAW’s inspiration. What has made me chuckle is the crowning glory of the centre’s hotel; a great big poop emoji on its roof! As the Graun’s coruscating report says:
You can’t polish a turd, but you can clad it in bronze-coloured steel. Edinburgh’s new W Hotel is proof. Poking its faecal peak above the historic skyline, puncturing the globally cherished panorama of elegant stone steeples and spires, this shimmering pile is evidence that, despite all the Unesco World Heritage site protections, conservation group campaigns and lengthy planning negotiations, shit still happens.
The paper further highlights a petition in the Scots vernacular to Pit Googly Eyes Oan The Jobby and an unofficial Twitter site, The Golden Turd Hotel!
Welcome to Edinburgh!
Auld Reekie has got a new view
Of a rooftop that’s somewhat askew
‘Cos the twists and the twirls
Of its helical whirls
Look just like the icon for poo!
It’s no surprise that competing interests are hoping The Golden Turd will become known as The Walnut Whip (bless!), but as I suspect they’ll be on the losing side, here’s another limerick…
In Auld Reekie, I’m sure you’ll have heard
Is a building whose rooftop’s absurd,
Not a big Walnut Whip
(So just give that a skip)
‘Cos it’s really a huge Golden Turd!
