Orange is the new brown…
Remember the Tango advert? You know, the one in which someone gets slapped by a bright orange man after taking a sip of the eponymous drink; an assault that was followed by the strapline: “You know when you’ve been Tango’d!”.
The advert managed not only to increase sales of Tango substantially, but also led to an epidemic of playground violence as kids took to hitting each to the refrain of “You’ve been Tango’d!”.
Years later, Lorna Wallace resurrected the concept in her Burns-inspired missive to the American public on their choice of a “tangerine gabshite walloper” as President:
Well, Trump and a different orange libation hit the headlines this week. Apparently the sale of Scotland’s ‘other’ national drink has been banned at his Turnberry golf estate.
It’s true! Irn-Bru, bane of Scottish dentists’ and succour to the hungover, can no longer be purchased there due to its tendency to leave irremovable orange stains when spilled onto expensive carpets.
Hmm! Irremovable orange stains. I wonder, is Irn-Bru is the secret behind Trump’s ‘tan’? Perhaps that’s what did the trick!
I’m the first to admit that “You’ve been Iron-Bru’d!” doesn’t have the same ring as the original, but this is what I think…
Trump was fond of his comb-over hairdo,
But, also, he wanted a new hue.
So he made his old tan go
From brown to an orange glow
By bathing twice daily in Irn-Bru.
Postscript#1: Perceptive readers may think they’ve found an inconsistent spelling of Tango’d in this post. They haven’t, or at least it is not of my doing. The drink manufacturer’s advertising agency spelled it as I have used it in the text. Lorna Wallace’s poem-in-the-style-of-Burns used the spelling as in the illustrated quote, above!
Postscript#2: My apologies if you have to work to get the meter and phrasing right in this one (it can be done😎). One bit of help: for the uninitiated, it’s pronounced ‘eye-ren brew’.