I counted them all out and … Oh s**t!
So there we were, all packed and ready to leave with Priscilla for a three-day break in whichever part of Scotland was forecast to have the least rain and, on this occasion, it meant that we headed to the North Sea coast of northern Scotland.
Somewhere around Alness, my inamorata realised that she’d left her undies at home – not the ones she was wearing, obviously, just the extra pairs that she’d meant to pack. “But I counted them all out” came the plaintive cry, “I just forgot to pack them!”. Replacements were sourced and, by late afternoon, we found a wee gem of a campsite (with utilitarian loo and shower facilities) run by a surprisingly cheerful minister of the Free Church of Scotland at Portmahomack, a small village on the Tarbat Peninsula in Easter Ross.
The sunset was spectacular and set the scene for another successful outing in Priscilla.
Here’s the limerick inspired by the trip:
A chorus of chortles and snickers
Met the news that travelled as quick as
The fleetness of light,
Which made worse her plight,
The day she lost sight of her knickers!
Postscript: We’re not supposed to refer to the Free Church of Scotland as the Wee Frees anymore as it is deemed offensive. That’s a shame because instead of calling the campsite ‘a wee gem …’ I could have called it ‘a Wee Free gem …’ with no offence intended. It’s odd how some nicknames can become institutionalised as an affectionate shorthand whereas others are deemed offensive. The Wesleys’ Holy Club at Oxford University was originally nicknamed the ‘methodists’, in a pejorative sense, as they lived by ‘the method’, only for them to take on the name as a badge of honour, thus becoming the Methodists as known today.
… and here’s a joke with Methodists in it:
How many Christians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Charismatics: Only one. Hands already in the air.
Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.
Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.
Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, thermometer bulb, or tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
Lutherans: None. Lutherans don’t believe in change.
Jehovah’s Witnesses: Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to knock on your door and ask you if you’ve seen the light.
Amish: What’s a light bulb?