Month: March 2017

A limerick a week #28

A threesome with Priscilla…

I suppose my flirtations with Priscilla could be described as more mano a vano than mano a mano, nevertheless we have enjoyed some quiet trysts in secluded, out-of-the-way places; however, as with any developing relationship, others may feel excluded and thus Management decided that if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.

So the three of us headed west last weekend to what must have been a couple of the warmest and sunniest March days that Wester Ross has ever experienced, and to Management’s first overnight assignation with Priscilla and me.

Because Priscilla is a bijou little thing (“reet la’al” as I would have said in my youth) we were a little worried that the two of us would overwhelm her, but we didn’t and she fit us in with room to spare.

Priscilla in her preferred environment

… but the roads were awfully congested:

So why did the cows cross the road? To get to the udder side of course! (The apparent gaseous emissions from the rear of the coos are, in fact, reflections from Priscilla’s windscreen).

… and this week’s limerick is:

Anticipating a cool sense of frisson
We went to the Highlands to see some
Scenery galore
And I’ll tell you, what’s more,
We slept with Priscilla – in a threesome.

Postscript:  Me, supine and snapping on our weekend away:

“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without hanging on”. Dean Martin

Staying focused

The Gray’s Art College short course exhibition has now finished and was a great success. There are some really skilled practitioners across the various disciplines that were on show. (I’ve already enrolled for next year’s analogue photography course and look forward to receiving my next student card!).

Meantime, I’ve decided that only three-and-a-half-year-olds should be allowed as critics at the show. Why? Simply because I was emailed by the mother of one such child who so liked one of my photographs that he wanted to take it home with him. The lad has taste and thanks to a helpful colleague I have now had the photograph digitised so that I can print a copy and frame it to give to the young man as he clearly knows fine art when he sees it:

Wiener Straßenbahn. My attempt at street photography

This picture of a tram was probably my personal favourite from my entries in the exhibition, but it always annoys me to look at it. Why? Because if you look at the hotel to the right, the building is not aligned vertically. It was a difficult picture to print, lots of regions that needed different exposures or contrasts which I managed okay, but I forgot the simple expedient of checking the verticals were, er, vertical <<expletive deleted>>. Meantime:

How many photographers does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten. One to change the light bulb, eight to share experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently, and a photography tutor to be politely underwhelmed by your ability to change light bulbs in the first place.

A limerick a week #27

So, Dame Vera Lynn hit 100 ‘not out’ this week and, in recognition of that, here is a limerick that I penned a few years ago along with some recycled verbiage to go along with it …

I suspect that nowadays only a few people will know of more than two Vera Lynn songs: “We’ll meet again” and “The White Cliffs of Dover”. The latter wistfully imagined bluebirds soaring and sweeping dreamily over the white cliffs of Dover. In fact, the song’s author was an American that had never visited the UK and, as pedants of the world will tell you, neither had the bluebirds! And this is my take on how the cliffs got their name:

The song says that birds will be over
Some cliffs by the sea and, moreover,
I’ll tell you outright
It’s all the bird sh*te
That makes them the ‘white’ cliffs of Dover!

A limerick a week #26

Making an exhibition of myself …

Coming to you earlier in the week than normal, but as this week’s limerick is about the current Gray’s School of Art short-course student exhibition then it seems about right …

I’ve got some B&W film photographs in the exhibition, including one of Firstborn and me, hence:

A reminder that no-one’s prohibited!
So turn up and don’t feel inhibited
From viewing the show
‘Cos now you all know
That ‘Firstborn and me’ are exhibited!

‘Firstborn and me’, centre stage on one of the walls!

The exhibition runs from Monday 13 March to Tuesday 21 March with the following opening hours:

Monday to Friday:       9am – 10pm
Saturday:                       9am – 6pm
Sunday:                          9am – 3pm

and encompasses Portfolio, Drawing, Printmaking, Painting, Photography, Jewellery, Ceramics, Fashion, Printed Textiles, Kilt Making and 3d Design Make.

It’s really not bad at all for a bunch of enthusiasts!

 

A limerick a week #25

So long and thanks for all the fish …

I saw this campaign poster in the press recently, exhorting the Thomas Cook group to stop promoting ‘swim with dolphin’ events on its package holidays. In many instances the dolphins are captive animals in marinas. Pretty disgraceful really, so it’s a serious limerick this week.

“For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons.” Douglas Adams – The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

So:

I really agree with the notion
That it’s time to set wheels into motion
To close down the shows
Because everyone knows
That dolphins belong in the ocean!

… you can, of course, be otherwise entertained on your holidays by members of your family acting as surrogate dolphins!

Here we have Firstborn encouraging ‘Flipper’ to jump over an obstacle:

“Squeal, squeal, squeak?” “What’s that, Flipper? No, of course you’re not the only albino dolphin!”
“The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards-somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the ‘Star Spangled Banner’.” Douglas Adams.
“Squeeaaal, squeeeaak, squeak, squeal??!!!!!” “Of course I won’t post this picture Flipper. Honest!”
“… and just remember it’s the head end that you’re supposed to blow bubbles from!”

(No sprats, sardines or spouses were injured in the making of this montage)

 

 

 

A limerick a week #24

La La Land – The Musical Debacle 

We can now add PWC, the ‘professional services’ group, to the list of folk that couldn’t organise a p**s-up in a brewery – sorry, an Oscars ceremony in LA. Some professionalism. Some service. At least they’ve admitted guilt; a sort of Mia culpa!

So this is for them:

Now the sun’s finally set on the Oscars
‘Tis Moonlight the movie that prospers,
Because PWC
Screwed-up big-time, you see,
Leaving La La Land as impostors.

Emma tells Ryan “It’s just like Donald said – Moonlight only won because millions of ‘illegals’ voted!”