Quotes that made me laugh #58


A nurse in Clydebank, whose car had been wrecked by a drunk driver in between her 12 hour hospital shifts, was clearly moved by the offers of help that she received. Her comments made me laugh out loud just as I was taking a mouthful of tea. Laugh? I discovered a new word #snaughling

“I’m absolutely stunned, I’ve been greeting trying to wipe my snotters up through a mask from all the support.”

#peoplemakeglasgow #glasgowlife

Postscript: I do know that Clydebank is not in Glasgow! The hashtags are intended as generic for the city and the towns and villages in its wider environs. Please send complaints about their use in this context to AA (An@llyRetentivePedants Anonymous) 

Quotes that made me laugh #57

A nose for a good story… 

Not really a quote, but a newspaper headline:

The quote made me laugh, but the associated article had me in hysterics. It’s a long time since I cried laughing, but the guy’s explanation of the timeline of events really did for me and the hospital’s discharge note finished me completely: “Denies other magnets”.

Well worth a read and it’s here.

Meantime, once I’d stopped laughing, it inspired this…

There once was a man of Verona
Who tried hard to cure Corona
The method he chose
Was a magnetic nose
That gave him a repellant persona!




Quotes that made me laugh #56

The first advertisement that I remember was produced when I was seven years old. It was a billboard poster and depicted the Bayeux Tapestry as interpreted by Guinness, with the strapline: Battle of Hastings 1066, Bottle of Guinness 1966. I recall being fascinated by the play on words.

Sometimes, though, adverts can comprise a more soulful message.

Reflecting on the northeast of Scotland’s decadal exposure to dull, overcast and drizzly weather, the Garioch (pronounced Geary) Glazing Company is currently advertising its services on a local radio station, Original 106, with the following gem that made me laugh.

… and remember, dreich weather ayeways looks better through a Garioch Glazing window.

Only in the northeast!

Quotes that made me laugh #52

Paws for thought…

As we are nearing D-day (Dog-day, that is) and the prospect of housing and training a border collie pup morphs into reality, we were keen to watch Puppy School, a programme that was ostensibly about dealing with certain puppy-related behavioural issues. Except it wasn’t, it was mostly about their idiot owners and we learned nothing except ‘don’t be an idiot’.

On reading a review of the programme, I came across this wee gem from the Graun’s Tim Dowling; the quote that made me laugh:

Along the way the viewer is provided with some basic dog training tips by the experts. In order to keep control of your dog in the park, they suggest that you “be really fun to be around”. Yeah, thanks – if I could manage that, I wouldn’t need a puppy in the first place.

It reminded me of a former colleague’s humorous-but-heartfelt comment after a number of lasses visited his office in succession on the day he first brought his young dog to work…

If I’d known a dog could have that effect, then maybe my teenage years wouldn’t have been so lonely!

Sadly for him, managers soon reminded staff that you were not allowed to take your dog to work. Shame really, ‘cos his was a from a working breed.

A limerick a week #99

The dunny’s done-in (or “Wor netty’s knackered, but you should see the size of the rhubarb!”)

Short and sweet this week ‘cos I’m not proud of it. (Haha! Of course I am, and it’s anapestically correct as well).

A ditty inspired by a friend’s lavatorial break down:

A. A. Milne thought he knew what to do
When he found that he’d broken his loo.
He just said: “Oh, f**k it!”
And peed in a bucket,
But what happened to Winnie the Pooh?

You’re welcome!