A limerick a week #191

Things are warming up again

Border collies are renowned for ‘giving the eye’, a long, hard stare used to intimidate sheep when herding them. I’ve found that mine, @calliebordeaux, also uses it to express disbelief when I ask her to do something she’d rather not, or when I disappoint her in some way; the former conveys contempt, the latter is intended to guilt trip. 

@calliebordeaux giving me ‘the eye’

Anyway, immediately after the trauma of living with her ‘in season’ earlier this year, I was advised to wait for three months before having her spayed. Unfortunately, the corona virus lockdown means that vets are not offering that service just now, so it looks as if another ‘season’ looms later in the summer, the thought of which inspired this…

A young female dog thought it neat
To flaunt herself out on the street.
If you dared to ask why
She’d just give you ‘the eye’
And sneer “Can’t you tell I’m on heat?”!

A limerick a week #183

Who let the dogs out?

I’ve got a weird dog! Not weird in the sense of weird-looking, but weird in the sense that she loves to go on a walk but always hides whenever she sees me with her lead. And if you ask “do you want to go for a walk, she dashes over to you (so long as there is no lead in sight), turns turtle and begs for a tummy tickle.

When we are out together, they’re her walks not mine, so, for as long as she behaves herself and keeps a loose lead, then if she wants to stop and sniff a lampost, she can. If she wants to say “hello” to other dogs or people, she can (and does!).

@calliebordeaux enjoying a roll in the park

She’s still a puppy, albeit in those ‘teenage’ years when she can be quite wilful, and her recall is not yet rock solid, but she can explore away from me on a long lead and runs off-lead with the pack at the fully enclosed field at Hazlehead Park in Aberdeen.

@calliebordeaux on a favourite walk around the grounds of Dunecht House.

So, although she really enjoys herself outside, she always plays hard to get when when it’s time to go out. It’s truly bizarre, but I think in these strange days of pandemic and lockdown I know why…

There once was a dog kept frustrating
Her owner ‘cos she kept hesitating
To set foot outside
She’d just stay in and hide.
Seems that puppy was self-isolating!



A limerick a week #160

Open wide… 

My four-month-old border collie pup (@calliebordeaux) has started teething. In fact she has just lost her first tooth in a puppy play fight with a five-month-old spaniel called Molly.

Her lower right canine has since gone missing in action!

The two pups meet regularly on their morning walks and seem to take it as read that they’ll have yet another scrap until they finally settle which of them is the higher ranked. I suspect Callie will prevail as, to quote Molly’s owner, “She’s a feisty one, isn’t she?”.

There once was a young border collie
Who thought it would be rather jolly
To battle it out
In a no-holds-barred bout
With a spaniel puppy called Molly

… and there it was, gone!

(All fights were play fights and no pups were hurt in the writing of this limerick!)

A limerick a week #150

Well, we’ve had Callie the pup for a week-and-a-half now and she seems to be a real outdoorsy dog. Not surprising as she’s from a working breed.

We’re trying to encourage her to pee and poo in the same accessible place so that (i) she doesn’t scorch our lawn and (ii) we can easily clean up any mess. At the moment, we can see where she pees and can take steps to ‘move her on’ to our preferred area; however, she tends to do her other ‘business’ in the deepest and darkest recesses of the rhododendron and buddleia border.

Whoops! I crapped in the border again 😉

Whereas I can venture into the depths of the border to bag up any mess during the brighter daytime hours, it is impossible to do so in the evening or early morning when the light is not so good.

… and guess what that means? That’s right – a lavatorial limerick!

In a crepuscular battle of wits
That puppy of mine is the pits.
‘Cos it’s never a riddle
To know where she’ll piddle
But I never can find where she sh*ts

A limerick a week #149

🎶Consider yourself at home
Consider yourself one of the family🎶

A verse inspired by our newest family member, Bordeaux Callie, a nine-week-old BC puppy…

A pup’s mum and dad may bequeath
To their offspring a fine set of teeth,
But let us be clear
You’ve nothing to fear,
Unless, it appears, you’re a leaf!


A limerick a week #147

They’re barking mad! 

It’s not long now before we pick up a new addition to the family, an eight week old Border Collie pup (subject to a vet check, of course). We’ve whittled down a long list of possible names and the favoured one right now is ‘Callie’ (we’re getting a girl) which is short for ‘Bordeaux Callie’.

The ‘Bordeaux’ bit was an afterthought and only included because it’s the sort of play-on-words that amuses me. Firstborn added to it by suggesting ‘Brigitte Bordeaux’, which also amused me, but if I’m calling for a dog across parkland I think ‘Callie’ will suffice.

No! It’s Bordeaux CALLIE😁

I’ve been told that owning a Border Collie will be challenging and I should have gone for a labrador (yawn!), but I’ve known a couple of them in my time and neither was as challenging as is often stated. Mind you, here’s what the YourPureBredDog website says about the breed…

“One of the most intelligent of all breeds, the Border Collie is also one of the most challenging to live with.”

“His superior intellect, combined with his intensity and obsessive zeal for working, are his most impressive features – and also the ones that make him unsuitable for most homes.”

“Without physical and mental stimulation, Border Collies become hyperactive and will drive you up the wall with obsessive and destructive behaviors as they seek creative outlets for their physical and mental energy.”

“High intelligence does mean they learn very quickly – but that includes learning how to do anything they set their minds to. They are master escape artists who can virtually pick the lock on your gate.”

“You must stay one step ahead of this challenging breed, and most households are simply not up to the task.”

“Well”, he says confidently, “we’ll see, won’t we?”. Here’s the limerick:

They said ’twas the ultimate folly,
And asked had he gone off his trolley,
When he let them all know
He was shortly to go
And bring home a young Border Collie!

Postscript 1: Such is the way of the world these days, that I thought that I should Google ‘Bordeaux Callie’ just to make sure the name had no unsavoury connotations. I didn’t find an exact match, but apparently Callie Bordeaux was the name of a character played by Lindsay Wagner in a TV movie from 1981 called ‘Callie & Son’. “No”, I’d never heard of it either. Anyway, it’s good to know that our pup’s name won’t be conflated with that of a courtesan from a French city!

Postscript 2: Although we are buying a pup from a registered breeder, we are doing so only after trying for a young rescue collie. There were some around, but they were either taken very quickly (I missed out on two of them by fractions – I had real chemistry with one of them, Polly) or they were completely off the wall having not been socialised properly and requiring a very experienced owner with lots of land!