Occasional Limericks Only #38

A light in the darkness…

A limerick for the UK’s shortest day, inspired by a night-time dog walk with Callie.

(NB the video may not appear or play in the subscriber notification; however, it should be viewable on the original blog post)

A collie went out on a lark
For to go and play ‘fetch’ in the park.
The excitable hound
Took off with a bound
After balls that lit up in the dark

A limerick a week #239

Everything’s in ordure

My (current) favourite dog walking area has the terrific advantage of being a sheep-free zone. The obvious benefit is that dogs can run off-lead without any concerns about sheep worrying. The less obvious advantage is that it prevents my Border Collie, @calliebordeaux, from indulging in one of her favourite-but-gross pastoral activities; eating sheep sh*t.

Unfortunately, horse riders can also use the woodland tracks and that means there are occasional piles of horse poo to negotiate. Horse poo is also a savoury delight according to Callie, but such piles are usually obvious enough to be seen in time for me to distract her with a treat before she can indulge her gastronomic passion.

On a recent walk, however, I was talking to a friend and failed to see Callie head towards a heap of it. Too late, I saw her chomping down on some, but what was most galling wasn’t the act itself, but the knowing and wholly gratuitous way that she looked at us afterwards as she gleefully licked her lips. Double gross!

Callie relives the moment on a subsequent foray into the forest!

When your supply of sheep sh*t runs dry
There’s alternatives on which to rely
So don’t cash in your chips
Why not just lick your lips
‘Cos horse poo will help you get by!

Postscript: like some others, this week’s ALAW requires an accompanying narrative for it to make any kind of sense. But some of them can be tweaked to remove any need for context and can be read standalone. This week’s is a good example, ergo…

When your supply of tequila runs dry
There’s alternatives on which to rely
So don’t cash in your chips
Why not just lick your lips
‘Cos absinthe will help you get by!

A limerick a week 234

Callie – a weapon of mass eruption

Having spent a sleepless 48 hours nursing a dog with rampant diarrhoea and cleaning up and hosing her down after each episode (fourteen in all!), I hope you’ll forgive the base nature of this week’s ALAW.

But wait, there’s more…

I just had to get it out of my system (as, clearly, did Callie!).

A collie with runaway squits
Had no care as to what she emits,
But she’d later confess
That the faecal excess
Arose from a case of the sh*ts!

A limerick a week #202

Ain’t that the dog’s bollocks!?

Lines inspired by a regrettable but necessary visit to the vet…

Today has been quite a shocker
For Rolo, the chocolate-brown cocker,
‘Cos the unhappy mutt’s
Lost both of his nuts.
No wonder he’s gone off his rocker!

Postscript: a similar fate previously befell my ice-cream buddy’s rabbit, Kratos. You can read about it here.

A limerick a week #191

Things are warming up again

Border collies are renowned for ‘giving the eye’, a long, hard stare used to intimidate sheep when herding them. I’ve found that mine, @calliebordeaux, also uses it to express disbelief when I ask her to do something she’d rather not, or when I disappoint her in some way; the former conveys contempt, the latter is intended to guilt trip. 

@calliebordeaux giving me ‘the eye’

Anyway, immediately after the trauma of living with her ‘in season’ earlier this year, I was advised to wait for three months before having her spayed. Unfortunately, the corona virus lockdown means that vets are not offering that service just now, so it looks as if another ‘season’ looms later in the summer, the thought of which inspired this…

A young female dog thought it neat
To flaunt herself out on the street.
If you dared to ask why
She’d just give you ‘the eye’
And sneer “Can’t you tell I’m on heat?”!