My (current) favourite dog walking area has the terrific advantage of being a sheep-free zone. The obvious benefit is that dogs can run off-lead without any concerns about sheep worrying. The less obvious advantage is that it prevents my Border Collie, @calliebordeaux, from indulging in one of her favourite-but-gross pastoral activities; eating sheep sh*t.
Unfortunately, horse riders can also use the woodland tracks and that means there are occasional piles of horse poo to negotiate. Horse poo is also a savoury delight according to Callie, but such piles are usually obvious enough to be seen in time for me to distract her with a treat before she can indulge her gastronomic passion.
On a recent walk, however, I was talking to a friend and failed to see Callie head towards a heap of it. Too late, I saw her chomping down on some, but what was most galling wasn’t the act itself, but the knowing and wholly gratuitous way that she looked at us afterwards as she gleefully licked her lips. Double gross!
When your supply of sheep sh*t runs dry There’s alternatives on which to rely So don’t cash in your chips Why not just lick your lips ‘Cos horse poo will help you get by!
Postscript: like some others, this week’s ALAW requires an accompanying narrative for it to make any kind of sense. But some of them can be tweaked to remove any need for context and can be read standalone. This week’s is a good example, ergo…
When your supply of tequila runs dry There’s alternatives on which to rely So don’t cash in your chips Why not just lick your lips ‘Cos absinthe will help you get by!
Having spent a sleepless 48 hours nursing a dog with rampant diarrhoea and cleaning up and hosing her down after each episode (fourteen in all!), I hope you’ll forgive the base nature of this week’s ALAW.
I just had to get it out of my system (as, clearly, did Callie!).
A collie with runaway squits Had no care as to what she emits, But she’d later confess That the faecal excess Arose from a case of the sh*ts!
Border collies are renowned for ‘giving the eye’, a long, hard stare used to intimidate sheep when herding them. I’ve found that mine, @calliebordeaux, also uses it to express disbelief when I ask her to do something she’d rather not, or when I disappoint her in some way; the former conveys contempt, the latter is intended to guilt trip.
Anyway, immediately after the trauma of living with her ‘in season’ earlier this year, I was advised to wait for three months before having her spayed. Unfortunately, the corona virus lockdown means that vets are not offering that service just now, so it looks as if another ‘season’ looms later in the summer, the thought of which inspired this…
A young female dog thought it neat To flaunt herself out on the street. If you dared to ask why She’d just give you ‘the eye’ And sneer “Can’t you tell I’m on heat?”!
I’ve got a weird dog! Not weird in the sense of weird-looking, but weird in the sense that she loves to go on a walk but always hides whenever she sees me with her lead. And if you ask “do you want to go for a walk, she dashes over to you (so long as there is no lead in sight), turns turtle and begs for a tummy tickle.
When we are out together, they’re her walks not mine, so, for as long as she behaves herself and keeps a loose lead, then if she wants to stop and sniff a lampost, she can. If she wants to say “hello” to other dogs or people, she can (and does!).
She’s still a puppy, albeit in those ‘teenage’ years when she can be quite wilful, and her recall is not yet rock solid, but she can explore away from me on a long lead and runs off-lead with the pack at the fully enclosed field at Hazlehead Park in Aberdeen.
So, although she really enjoys herself outside, she always plays hard to get when when it’s time to go out. It’s truly bizarre, but I think in these strange days of pandemic and lockdown I know why…
There once was a dog kept frustrating Her owner ‘cos she kept hesitating To set foot outside She’d just stay in and hide. Seems that puppy was self-isolating!