A limerick a week #202

Ain’t that the dog’s bollocks!?

Lines inspired by a regrettable but necessary visit to the vet…

Today has been quite a shocker
For Rolo, the chocolate-brown cocker,
‘Cos the unhappy mutt’s
Lost both of his nuts.
No wonder he’s gone off his rocker!

Postscript: a similar fate previously befell my ice-cream buddy’s rabbit, Kratos. You can read about it here.

A limerick a week #191

Things are warming up again

Border collies are renowned for ‘giving the eye’, a long, hard stare used to intimidate sheep when herding them. I’ve found that mine, @calliebordeaux, also uses it to express disbelief when I ask her to do something she’d rather not, or when I disappoint her in some way; the former conveys contempt, the latter is intended to guilt trip. 

@calliebordeaux giving me ‘the eye’

Anyway, immediately after the trauma of living with her ‘in season’ earlier this year, I was advised to wait for three months before having her spayed. Unfortunately, the corona virus lockdown means that vets are not offering that service just now, so it looks as if another ‘season’ looms later in the summer, the thought of which inspired this…

A young female dog thought it neat
To flaunt herself out on the street.
If you dared to ask why
She’d just give you ‘the eye’
And sneer “Can’t you tell I’m on heat?”!

A limerick a week #183

Who let the dogs out?

I’ve got a weird dog! Not weird in the sense of weird-looking, but weird in the sense that she loves to go on a walk but always hides whenever she sees me with her lead. And if you ask “do you want to go for a walk, she dashes over to you (so long as there is no lead in sight), turns turtle and begs for a tummy tickle.

When we are out together, they’re her walks not mine, so, for as long as she behaves herself and keeps a loose lead, then if she wants to stop and sniff a lampost, she can. If she wants to say “hello” to other dogs or people, she can (and does!).

@calliebordeaux enjoying a roll in the park

She’s still a puppy, albeit in those ‘teenage’ years when she can be quite wilful, and her recall is not yet rock solid, but she can explore away from me on a long lead and runs off-lead with the pack at the fully enclosed field at Hazlehead Park in Aberdeen.

@calliebordeaux on a favourite walk around the grounds of Dunecht House.

So, although she really enjoys herself outside, she always plays hard to get when when it’s time to go out. It’s truly bizarre, but I think in these strange days of pandemic and lockdown I know why…

There once was a dog kept frustrating
Her owner ‘cos she kept hesitating
To set foot outside
She’d just stay in and hide.
Seems that puppy was self-isolating!



A limerick a week #161

It’s all gone to the dogs

Another puppy-related limerick, I’m afraid.

We have a huge secure field in Aberdeen at Hazlehead Park, known locally as the dog field. Dogs whose recall is a bit iffy can safely be let of their leads to run and play with other dogs without the risk of them running onto roads or towards non-dog-loving people.

Usually the dogs all get along and enjoy play fights and just socialising generally. Occasionally, though, one or two get a bit uppity,

One, a huge goldendoodle called Dudley, is just a bit too boistrous for my pooch, Callie, who tries to hide from him. Yesterday, Dudley nearly got his come-uppance from a grumpy labrador called Ollie – Dudley had gone a bit too far. Fortunately it was all bark and not much bite, if any.

Here’s the result…

A goldendoodle called Dudley
Turned out to be not quite so cuddly
He was so full of pep
That the slightest misstep
And it all could have ended quite bloodily.

Quotes that made me laugh #52

Paws for thought…

As we are nearing D-day (Dog-day, that is) and the prospect of housing and training a border collie pup morphs into reality, we were keen to watch Puppy School, a programme that was ostensibly about dealing with certain puppy-related behavioural issues. Except it wasn’t, it was mostly about their idiot owners and we learned nothing except ‘don’t be an idiot’.

On reading a review of the programme, I came across this wee gem from the Graun’s Tim Dowling; the quote that made me laugh:

Along the way the viewer is provided with some basic dog training tips by the experts. In order to keep control of your dog in the park, they suggest that you “be really fun to be around”. Yeah, thanks – if I could manage that, I wouldn’t need a puppy in the first place.

It reminded me of a former colleague’s humorous-but-heartfelt comment after a number of lasses visited his office in succession on the day he first brought his young dog to work…

If I’d known a dog could have that effect, then maybe my teenage years wouldn’t have been so lonely!

Sadly for him, managers soon reminded staff that you were not allowed to take your dog to work. Shame really, ‘cos his was a from a working breed.