Enough of this nunsense …

I don’t intend this blog to be political, but the recent stooshie about French Mediterranean beach resorts promoting religious intolerance by banning the burka made me think …

Although a secular state, France is a predominantly Catholic country with its own religious conventions, so the questions of the day are: do nuns go paddling at the beach? If so, what do they wear and should it be banned too?

Habit of a lifetime
The habit of a lifetime

Nuff said!

Postscript: I found the illustration, above, by googling ‘nuns paddling’. Bit of an eye-opener there for a naĂŻve north country lad!

Priscilla, Queen of the Laybys

Well, Priscilla and I have now spent a couple of nights together and I have to say things are looking good between us. Our first trip was over to Ullapool to scout out the area as a base to cycle from. Looks good! Free all-day car parking near the ferry terminal should be fine for a few hours out on the bike and the nearby public loos with a shower facility mean that I can avoid the campervan equivalent of a bed bath to clean up afterwards. There’s also loads of convenient off-road laybys for overnighting, so no need for site fees 🙂

After looking over Ullapool we pootered back eastwards to lay-up close to Rosemarkie on the Moray Firth so that I could get to Chanonry Point early the next day to view the Moray Firth dolphins (parking at the Point is next to impossible for late arrivers). I got further east than anticipated and overnighted at the Clootie Well near Avoch in a small forest car park. It was quite spooky due to the cloots hanging from the trees. These are rags left by folk seeking for their ills to be cured; they provide an eery backdrop in the dark.

Priscilla at rest (at the Clootie Well)
Priscilla resting quietly at the Clootie Well

The car park was quiet other than for the owls hooting through the night and the local dogging fraternity (… only joking, to the best of my knowledge no dogging occurred even though the car park bore a striking resemblance to that of the ‘Camping’ episode in the TV show ‘Not Going Out’ where Lee, the show’s chief protagonist, tried to prove his manliness by joining his mates on a camping weekend in the middle of a dark, spooky forest that turned out to be … you’ve guessed it … a dogging hotspot).

So no ‘canines’, but the dolphins were around the following morning porpoising gently rather than putting on a proper show for us, and the sun, although welcome, was in exactly the wrong place to photograph them. Still, it was a splendid situation and I can recommend the Rosemarkie Beach CafĂ© for a late brunch.

Dolphins swimmin porpoisefully at Chanonry Point
Dolphins swimming porpoisefully at Chanonry Point, photographed directly into the sun

The second trip was to overnight at Ballater. Free parking in the village centre provided the base for a 40 mile ride from Deeside across to Donside via Glen Gairn and the Old Military Road. The first 12 miles included some very steep ramps (see ‘Bring back the birch’, May) and due to the excess baggage that I’m still carrying there were a couple that I had to push up rather than pedal. After that the worst was over and there were some terrific downhill runs before stopping for coffee in Bellabeg; itself winding down quietly after the weekend’s highland games at the Lonach Gathering. The return leg to Ballater via the Muir of Dinnet Nature Reserve was altogether easier even though the hills at the start of the day had rather knackered me. Still, it wasn’t work and the sun was shining so I didn’t mind. I strongly suspect that this may become a favourite cycling route

Muir of Dinnett Nature Reserve
Muir of Dinnett Nature Reserve

Another lay-by, another night. A bit noisy with passing traffic this time, but up with the lark for a bacon butty breakfast in Ballater and a supposedly gentle ride along the 10 miles of tarmac to Loch Muick. Well, under normal circumstances it would have been gentle, even if it is mostly an uphill drag along the glen; however, yesterday’s hills had been more tiring than I thought so it was a bit tougher than it should otherwise have been, but coming back? Glorious! Downhill all the way (in a good way, unlike post-middle-age life generally)!

So, that’s a couple of trips out with Priscilla and two great successes, both helped by the arrival of a little bit of fine weather. We really do live in a beautiful part of the world (it helps when the sun is shining) and to be out and about breathing in the freshest of air and looking at the most splendid of views is truly invigorating – especially when everyone else is at work!

Things that I wish I’d said …

Following on from my previous post, I have always been impressed and rather humbled by the ability of my international colleagues to conduct our business in what is, for them, a non-native language. This admiration extends particularly to their participation in what can be at times quite intense and argumentative discussions.

Consequently I just loved this quote from an exasperated Swedish colleague during a ‘lively’ discussion of the draft text of our current meeting report. She demonstrated her command of the English language with the following:

It’s this kind of sloppy decision making that’s going to f**k -up the whole thing!

I couldn’t have put it better myself!

Soft skills and me …

Having spent more than 30 years honing and fine-tuning the sort of diplomatic skills necessary to work effectively in the national and international fisheries science arena, I was delighted to be told by a colleague before a particularly ‘difficult’ session of an international coordination meeting that:

There’s no need for Maggie to go with you, you’re bolshie enough on own”.

Quotes that made me laugh #13

In my days as an early-career fishery scientist (to avoid being ageist we’re no longer allowed to refer to young scientists as, er, young scientists) I was thrown in at the deep end of a couple of contentious issues, one of which entailed the development in the 1980s of a harpoon fishery for basking sharks in the Clyde Sea area.

Given the public distaste for launching harpoons at large docile animals, coupled to the greater vulnerability of sharks to over-fishing and the short-lived nature of historical basking shark fisheries off the Scottish west coast, the renaissance of such a fishery attracted a lot of unfavourable press.

Yours truly was asked to carry out a literature review to navigate between the various perspectives and to give an objective overview. That was something of a challenge because exclaiming “Trust me, I’m a government scientist” is not the sort of clarion call that is viewed sympathetically by media outlets. In those days even the most egregious sound-bites peddled by the more extreme environmental lobbyists would usually be received more compliantly by the press than the words of a perceived government lackey (and as there was a lot of nonsense floating around with which I naturally disagreed, I didn’t end up a favourite of the press or the fishery’s critics).

Unsurprisingly, the fisherman concerned was largely demonised by the media. That was a real shame (although he sometimes seemed to be his own worst enemy) since up until then a great deal of what was known of basking shark biology came from collaborations between the fishermen and scientists. Moreover, at least four ‘popular’ books were written by Scottish basking shark fishermen of the 1940s and 50s – Harpoon at a Venture by Gavin Maxwell was the best known – and all contained interesting, if largely anecdotal, information.

One of those authors, ‘Tex’ Geddes, the so-called Laird of Soay, was Maxwell’s harpoon man and, like Maxwell himself, he was an instructor for the Special Operations Executive during the Second World War. The Independent’s obituary of him described him as “an accomplished knife-thrower and bayonet fencer, a boxer, a former rum-runner in Newfoundland, an orphaned lumberjack “tree monkey” whose father had been blown up while dynamiting a log jam and who had been expelled from school at the age of 12 as “unmanageable“). Nae bad, even for a Peterheid loon!

Anyway, our contemporary skipper was, like Geddes, something of a character albeit a less extreme one. We took part separately in a number of TV programmes, each facing hostile interviews covering the controversial fishery, including Channel Four’s ‘Fragile Earth’ series and the BBC2 ‘Nature’ programme fronted by Michael Buerk (famous for his ‘Ethiopian famine’ reports in the earlier 1980).

I think it was in the former (but I may be wrong) that our modern-day ‘Tex’ was asked about the moral issue of using a harpoon gun to kill such large and charismatic animals, sometimes in full view of families gazing down on the Clyde from the ramparts of Culzean Castle. Bearing in mind that he was being filmed standing on the prow of his boat, almost sideways on, with his harpoon gun fully loaded and pointing with priapic grandeur from below his midriff, his reply made me laugh. Having thought for a second or two, he focused attention on his weapon by sweeping his arm downwards with a flourish and proclaimed:

“That’s ma tool!”

I rather warmed to him after that 🙂

"That's ma tool!" or "How to make friends and influence people"
“That’s ma tool!” or “How to make friends and influence people”.

Quotes that made me laugh #11

When I first told ‘Management’ that I had joined my work’s Yammer group on Women in Science and Engineering, her pithy comment was: “Does that mean you’ll now do your share of the ironing?” (thus putting the ‘ouch’ into touchĂ©!). Unfazed by such comments, I then Yammered to my colleagues about the way that bicycling had contributed to the emancipation of women. Susan B Anthony’s well-known quote from 1896 was my starting point …

Let me tell you what I think of bicycling. I think it has done more to emancipate women than anything else in the world. It gives women a feeling of freedom and self-reliance. I stand and rejoice every time I see a woman ride by on a wheel
the picture of free, untrammeled womanhood“.

… and this was followed by reference to a couple of articles on the MentalFloss and Grauniad websites (and there is a host of other web references that could be equally well cited).

Subsequently, and entirely by coincidence, the week after I Yammered about it an episode was screened of the TV series ‘In the Factory’ that was devoted to the manufacture of Brompton foldable bikes. In one of the show’s segments the historian Ruth Goodman presented how the bicycle had supported the emancipation of women. It was not as complete a treatment as the references above, but it did explain why specifically bicycling and not tricycling promoted the cause (apparently it was largely to do with the apparel required to ride the corresponding cycles)

Anyway“, I hear you ask, “where is the quote that made you laugh?“. Well, I was quite tickled by the penultimate paragraph of the MentalFloss article that mentions Jacquie Phelan, a feminist mountain biker who founded WOMBATS, the Women’s Mountain Bike and Tea Society. And it is one of her quotes on the WOMBATS website that made me laugh. It chimes greatly with me and, I suspect, with Firstborn too:

I never grew up, because grown-up has “groan” in it“.

Quotes that made me laugh #10

A cyclist’s re-working of the old “it’s easier to say sorry than to ask permission” gag:

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me“. (Emo Philips).

… and no apologies for raiding my old Facebook postings to re-post this cartoon (one that, having failed to see its underlying message, my sister showed to a class of children. Bless!).

cyclist

Wimborne and I

Sandi Thom’s internet meltdown last year was, I guess, resonant of the frustration that many talented performers have with their industry, particularly where they may have served their time doing the circuit in the old-fashioned way only to see some lesser-talented, or even talentless, entertainer succeed after being showcased on one of TV’s rapid-rise-to-fame X-crable talent competitions. But not all who fail to hit the Radio 2 playlist react in the way that Thom did. Some just keep on going; doing what keeps them going in fact.

Thea Gilmore, a favourite of mine, seems to do just that. Last November I undertook a 600-mile round trip to see her in my childhood hometown, Kendal, thinking that no-one would have journeyed further for the concert. In fact a group had travelled down from as far away as Orkney, so after at least 15 albums and 13 never-quite-made-it-to-the-top singles, she clearly retains a committed fan base and keeps on writing songs and touring even when, as on this occasion, she doesn’t have an album to promote.

Her set was exceptionally well received by the local audience. That surprised me as in my youth Kendal audiences would usually sit tight-lipped with arms folded, assuming a posture that spoke volumes: “Ah’ve bluddy well paid to see yer, so bluddy well entertain me!”. At that time Kendal still seemed to adhere to the TV historian David Starkey’s description that it was a right tight little northern town where, if you couldn’t trace your forebears locally for several generations, you were viewed as a dangerous outsider! So I’m pleased to say that it seems to have changed since then, even though in a certain Steven Hall (a Britain’s Got Talent finalist) it has generated the sort of X-crable ‘celebrity’ that would make most unsung talents weep, never mind Sandi Thom.

Anyway, back to Thea Gilmore …

Seemingly, as audiences go we were better in Kendal than at Wimborne! Mostly, I think, because the room erupted with cheers when asked whether we were interested in a song about s-e-x (clearly Kendalians don’t get out much). This obviously pleased Thea as she recounted the fact that such a comment was met with relative silence in Dorset. Apparently she could do no right at her gig in Wimborne, whose audience would ostensibly have preferred a humourless and tuneless recital and to not have to cope with her breaking occasionally to re-tune her guitar or add a risquĂ© comment. And that got me thinking – we must all have, or surely will have, a Wimborne moment; a time when your skills and humour are simply not appreciated to the full.

As an ex-pat Kendalian it is perhaps no surprise that one of my own Wimborne moments relates to Kendal itself. I once sent a short, well-crafted, self-deprecating and, I thought, humorous letter to its local weekly rag, the Westmorland Gazette. Unfortunately, it was edited before publication to the extent that any semblance of humour was removed and the sense of self-deprecation was transformed into one of apparent pomposity. This was all because the opening line contained the s-e-x word, so it had to be got rid of. That, in turn, meant the last line was meaningless, so they got rid of it as well thus completing a malign transformation that made its author look a bit of a plonker. Given Wimborne’s response to Thea’s humorous mention of s-e-x, it strikes me that the feckless illiterati of the Wezzy Gezzy’s editorial team would be well at home in Dorset:

I wrote you a letter and yet
It was odds-on, or so I would bet,
That its sense would be changed
By the oh-so-deranged
Illiterates that edit the Gazette!

Postscript: Much to my displeasure, my letter (as edited) was included in a publication of the Kendal Civic Society on a look back at the town over the preceding fifty years. Even more to my displeasure, my mum bought me a copy for Christmas. Aaaaaghhh!