Quotes that made me laugh #30

What’s religion got to do with it?

A pair of Saint Johnstone footballers were sent off a couple of days ago for fighting each other instead of playing the opposition. So that’s at least two sinners in a team whose nickname is the ‘Saints’. Sadly, we shall never know what their manager thought of it because in keeping with the scriptural theme of saints and sinners, his comment was:

“The referee has said they were both sent off for violent conduct so obviously he feels he has made the right decision but I haven’t seen it with my own eyes so I am not going to comment on heresy”.

(I know! It’s poor sub-editing and not a quote, but it still made me laugh😎).

Postscript: Years ago I heard Emo Philips tell a ‘heresy-themed’ joke on the TV. I loved it for its softly stated and sublime ridiculing of dogmatic puritanism and bigotry in religions, but could never remember enough different Baptist sects to tell it the way he did. So with the help of Dr Google here it is …

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don’t do it!” He said, “Nobody loves me.”

I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?” He said, “Yes.”

I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?” He said, “A Christian.”

I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?” He said, “Protestant.”

I said, “Me, too! What denomination?” He said, “Baptist.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?” He said, “Northern Baptist.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.”

I said, “Me, too!” Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.”

I said, “Die, heretic” and pushed him over.

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LanterneRouge

😎 - Former scientist, now graduated to a life of leisure. - Family man (which may surprise the family; it certainly surprises him). - Likes cycling and old-fashioned B&W film photography. - Dislikes greasy-pole-climbing 'yes men'. - Thinks Thea Gilmore should be much better known than she is. - Values decency over achievement.

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