Strong and Stable Wrong and Incapable
After Theresa May’s cataclysmic speech at the Conservative Party’s annual conference, this quote from Alexander Armstrong on HIGNFY made me laugh:
“Theresa May’s premiership has been under threat for a while, but this must be the first time that the coughing has been the final nail.”
This made me laugh as well …
… and so did this:
Apparently our Prime Minister thought that people wouldn’t be amused by the P45 prank. Methinks she’s a tad out of touch!
No, Minister!
The Dutch reach has been in the news a lot recently, although cyclists have been aware of it for longer. It’s not a mis-translation of an Amsterdam ‘coffee shop’ special (Dutch roach) or a nauseous side-effect of hanging-out at such places (Dutch retch) or even a visit to a rather lewd nachtclub (Dutch raunch). It’s simply a way of making you look out for cyclists when opening a car door from the inside.
By reaching for the door with their arm furthest from the door, drivers and passengers are forced to swivel round, increasing the likelihood of seeing a passing cyclist. It’s been a part of Dutch driving proficiency for 50 years and its adoption is supported by the police and the cycling communities.
The idea hasn’t gained much traction with the Department of Transport though. I wonder why? Let’s ask the BBC …
“The Department for Transport previously dismissed the proposal – but that was just after the Transport Secretary Chris Grayling was filmed having knocked a cyclist off his bike opening a car door.”
Laugh? I nearly fell off my bike!
Not strictly a quote, but nice word play from Paul Savage at this year’s Edinburgh Fringe:
“Oregon leads America in both marital infidelity and clinical depression. What a sad state of affairs.”
A mandate for the pub
The Graun reports that the east London LGBT community of Tower Hamlets has lost seven of its ten gay bars to residential development in recent years. So, after a spirited campaign by local activists, the planning authority made it a condition for the redevelopment of one such venue, The Joiners Arms, to include a pub that remained focused on the LGBT community.
The report added that to make sure this is achieved in more than name only, the Mayor of London’s office “will send an inspector to make sure it is gay enough”.
I have to admit to chuckling at that so here’s my take on it:
I’m here as the Council Surveyor,
And I’ve popped by just now to convey a
Planning consent
With legal intent
That will make your new bar a bit gayer!
Meanwhile, I have no idea how the planners intend to quantify ‘gayness’. The mind boggles …
Postscript:
… hot off the press …
It seems that the developer’s plans are on hold. As reported in today’s Graun:
Council rejects redevelopment proposals for LGBT venue Joiners Arms
Campaigners hail decision as victory after plan is turned down on grounds that it does not go far enough to ensure viability of replacement ‘queer space’
Good for them!
#StraightAlly
Are you ready yet?
As you get older there can be times when you realise that you have well and truly inherited some of your parents’ traits.
The most obvious example for me is that just like my dad, I get a bit wound up when travelling if the rest of the family aren’t packed and ready to leave at the appointed time. The words stressed and grumpy may even apply!
So it was all very interesting this week when Firstborn told me that she gets a bit stressed herself if the folk she is travelling with leave things to the last minute. Nevertheless, the disdain in her voice was a bit uncharitable when she then blurted out: “Oh my God – I’ve turned into you!“.
If we set off late then we knew
The pressure would rise till you ‘blew’
And we’d all get the blame,
But now I’m just the same.
OH MY GOD, DAD! I’ve turned into you!
Slow – builders at work
I’m Kirk Douglas!
Something went awry with my budget at work last week. A lump of money that should have been allocated to my group hadn’t been and, due to a change in the budgeting process this year, we can’t track where the specific error arose. It could have been my fault, the fault of other group leaders in the team or the fault of my boss.
Any error would have been inadvertent, and I can’t conceive how any of the above could have made it. So kudos to my boss who reported the problem and accepted blame as the budget responsibility was hers. Very noble. Too noble in fact, so I also emailed the high and mighty to fully explain the issue and take responsibility because I had not checked my entries after others had amended the master worksheet. My boss emailed back immediately:
“I’m Spartacus!”
… which made me laugh and inspired the following:
A mistake in the budget quite startled us
But the esprit de corps was just marvellous
For we both took the blame
For the budgetary shame
By yelling out loud that “I’m Spartacus!”
Going gaga for guga
The guga hunt is a Hebridean tradition where, annually, ten men of Ness on the Isle of Lewis travel north by sea to the uninhabited island and gannetry of Sùla Sgeir to harvest 2000 gannet chicks, known as guga.
The ‘catch’ of guga is distributed as food among islanders with some sold on for consumption elsewhere, but although traditional, artisanal and sustainable, it remains controversial with animal rights groups firmly opposed to it (and I suspect the recently contrived annual guga-eating world championship will inflame rather than temper opposition to the hunt).
In his book The Old Ways: a journey on foot, the travel writer Robert Macfarlane presents a sympathetic (albeit sanitised) picture of the hunt, but, in the quote that made me laugh, is warned off eating guga due to its oily, chewy and acrid taste or, as an islander told him:
I gave a piece to the dog and it spent all week licking its arse to take away the taste.
Postscript: There is a highly rated gourmet sandwich bar in Edinburgh called the Gannet and Guga that uses only free range chicken and outdoor-reared pork and beef; no mention of guga (free-range or otherwise)!
Sexual politics …
Not strictly a quote, but having grown up watching Carry On films, how could I not laugh?
From the horse’s mouth …
A lovely quote from the late Jeff Astle, former West Brom and England footballer, as re-told by Geoff Hurst recently in the Scottish Daily Record (a lot of ‘context’ first, but well worth reading through to the punchline) …
“What a fantastic guy Jeff was – a real character. We were in the England squad together for the 1970 World Cup in Mexico, which is 5000ft above sea level. The squad was there about seven or eight days and the Duke of Edinburgh was also over playing polo against the Mexicans. He indicated via his equerry that he wanted to see us after training.
We were playing Brazil at noon so were training at 12 o’clock in preparation for that. When the duke turned up after training and all 22 of us were lined up, he started walking along and talking to the players. But he got to the end and Jeff was slumped over a chair in a state of huge distress.
So the equerry says, ‘What’s the problem?’ Jeff replied, ‘We’ve only been here for about 10 days, we’re acclimatising, it’s 105 degrees on the thermometer there and I’m just absolutely knackered.’
He said, ‘The Duke’s been here two weeks, he’s played six or seven games of polo and he’s not reported any signs of struggling physically.’
Jeff looked up and said, ‘Have you asked how his f*****g horse feels?’”
